Message-ID: <1ebysro.15ddxp41100uv8N%jwgh@earthlink.net>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Re: Macworld's iTips [How to Become Wildly Unpopular on the Web Lesson
8 - 6/9]
From: "Jacob W. Haller" <jwgh at earthlink.net>
Date: Fri, 9 Jun 2000 15:42:03 -0400
Diane Wilson <diane at firelily.com> wrote:
In article <B566873E.585%imaginetics@dplanet.ch>, imaginetics at dplanet.ch says...[. . .]Lesson 8. Be as Clueless and Vague as Possible
Certainly every tech support person, and probably anyone who's vaguely connected with computers for that matter, has encountered the following line:This technique is also a Jim-Dandy when you're calling tech support.You: "Are you using Windows or a Macintosh?"
Them: "How can I tell?"
"My computer isn't working right. I think it's a virus."
Now, there are several directions you can go with this, depending on your personal inclination, who's asking the question, and if you're being paid to answer them or not. One person might say:
"Really? What are you trying to do?"Another might say:
[. . .]
"OK, and what happens?"
"That's unfortunate."and go back to work as if nothing had happened.
Another might say:
"So what? Fuck off."Since computer users are highly nonlinear systems, it's impossible to predict with anything approaching 100% accuracy where any of these strategies will take you. However, there's one approach which should only be taken by people with a very strong understanding of what they might be getting in to. That approach can be summed up by the following question:
"Why do you think it's a virus?"There are several risks here.
One is that the user will think that you are calling their intelligence (or troubleshooting ability) into question. This may lead to the user yelling at you or (possibly worse) explaining that they're an MSCE with five years' experience with Windows 2000 and you should take everything they say as gospel. In either case segueing back to actually solving the problem they're having (or getting rid of them if that's you're ultimate goal) can be difficult.
The other risk is that they will actually try to explain why they have a virus. Assuming that they have no valid reason for thinking so (which is sadly often the case) this becomes a problem, because (a) it may be difficult to get them to shut up about things which are really irrelevent and (b) if you then contradict them they may get belligerent.
Over the past couple of years I have seen news reports of techs being killed by users and vice-versa. I feel that if techs were more aware of the dangers that even a simple support call can have those types of tragedies would be less common.
-jw'the computer fletely, mouse and all'gh
AttribDammit: someone on alt.sysadmin.recovery a few years back
--
The vulture has a useful role in the ecosystem, devouring dead tourists
and keeping the desert free of their pitiful carcasses.
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