to jwgh's talk.bizarre writings
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: plastic fantastic From: jwgh at earthlink.net (Jacob W. Haller) Message-ID: <1f0mjng.blx21u47dh8wN%jwgh@earthlink.net> Date: Tue, 02 Oct 2001 04:23:02 GMTI wake up after sleeping fitfully. My eyes flutter open. The retinal scanner is ready for me and it immediately searches my eyes for cataracts, astigmatism, and eye boogers. The tiny mechanical bug that perches next to my ear chirps up and asks, "What do you want this morning?" I am silent. I have not given into temptation for almost a month this time.
I try to just lie in bed for a while but I am all too conscious that the bed is repositioning itself to better align its cushions with what it thinks will maximize my comfort at this stage of my awakening. I get up, still half-asleep. A long-dormant habit arises and I take a step towards the shower. Automatic systems detect this move and the bathroom cranks up, the shower already running at the calculated optimum temperature and pressure. So that's out.
The bugs in my ears are asking me what I want to do again, so I try swatting them. They explode with satisfying little pops, but I know they're just humoring me, so I stop after a little while, unsatisfied. My personal environment perceptably relaxes, thinking that it's at last gotten me to participate in an activity I enjoy. Some new archnobots are generated and sent to monitor me.
They leave me alone for a bit, so I sit down at my desk and take some notes, using a code I don't think they've figured it out yet. I lose myself in writing for a bit, but before long I notice that my chair is reconfiguring itself to improve my posture, and once again I am aware of my surroundings.
The chattering increases. Despite their perfect engineering they have a real inferiority complex, and it really bothers them when I won't talk to them and give them feedback on their services. Their anxiety increases. "So what do you want, Dave? Are we doing OK? Why don't you take a nice shower? Or a nap? Or anything? Please, won't you just tell us?" It's this endless chatter that always eventually gets to me; that, and the need to communicate.
The digital readouts that cover most of my apartment tell me that it's a quarter past noon when I finally snap. I scream, "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! Please?"
There's a silent pause. For a moment I almost hope that this time it might have worked. Then, in one voice, they respond: "No, really, what can we do for you? There must be something."
This time, I resolve, I won't speak for at least five weeks.
-jwgh
-- "FOR TO COMPILE UNDER UNIX, IT IS EASY TO USE GNU C++." "BUT WHERE ARE THE MONKEY-CHILDREN?!!" - Stephen Swift, "Friend Bear" http://www.friendbear.com/166-001.gif