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Message-ID: <1f3qbyh.1inafaruiievqN%jwgh@earthlink.net>
Subject: FTSD: Memo
From: "Jacob W. Haller" <jwgh at earthlink.net>
Date: Sat, 01 Dec 2001 14:07:55 GMT

MEMO***MEMO***MEMO***MEMO***MEMO

FROM: Fussel J. Redacted, Head of Customer Service
TO: All X Industry customer service drones

We have had some complaints recently regarding customer support, so I just wanted to quickly go over a few of the customer support policies that we've implemented. Some of these have changed recently, so if you have any questions about any of this, please report to Ward J for reeducation.

1. Phones should be answered only after a prime number of rings, except on Tuesdays when perfect numbers are also allowed.
2. If a customer seems to be upset, be sure to double-check their coordinates before launching your anvil. There have been some mistakes in this area recently, with the result that our record of 100% customer satisfaction has been jeapordized.
3. Any customers referred to you by the sales department should be shaved from the nape of the neck down, not the opposite direction. I can't emphasize this enough.
4. Where possible, avoid the use of the following terms when communicating with customers:
   • Bug
   • Mistake
   • Customer
   • Meltdown
   • Kitten
   • Contaminant
   • Twelve
   • Monster
   • Refund

Finally, those of you who are of Code Teal or lower security clearance should now report to Biochemical Division W for genetic recycling.

-- 
"Soon I'll be 7th level bitter, and can add the paranoia and
delusions of adequacy spells."
     -robert lindsay <rlindsay at shark.gsfc.nasa.gov>
       on alt.religion.kibology 24 Aug 2001

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