to jwgh's talk.bizarre writings
Message-ID: <1fqrz4r.10lee6ph86freN%spog@jwgh.org> Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Ruining The Joke From: "Jacob W. Haller" <spog at jwgh.org> Date: Sat, 22 Feb 2003 09:24:08 -0500
"No, yeah, that's a good one. It just reminds me ... I don't think I ever told you about this.
"You've never met my friend Bob, have you? Great guy. A few summers ago I called him up to see what was up; I was thinking I might swing by, bring a few beers, and we could hang out, maybe do a little swimming, soak up a few rays, just sort of chill out, you know? He said he's going to be doing a little landscaping in the morning but if I wanted to come by in the afternoon he'd be in the mood for a little R&R. So that's what I did.
"When I got there, I tried ringing the bell a couple of times, but no answer, so I figured I'd go around back to see if he was there. You know, you can't really hear the bell from back there. Um.
"So I went back there and I opened the gate and there was all this, all this blood, all over the place, and Bob was in the pool ... the water was pink from it.
"I could see that all his arms and legs, they were gone. His face was above the water or he would have drowned. I had to go in and pull him out.
"Ah, jeez.
"No, I'll be fine. Just give me a minute.
"Yeah, okay, I'll have another beer. Thanks.
"Right, so I called 911 and I put tourniquets on the, on him. Then I followed the trail of, uh, the trail out to the woods to find the limbs. Looked like he was cutting down some trees and when one came down something hit the chainsaw or something. I'm not sure what, and Bob, he says he don't remember exactly what happened.
"But I got the limbs and brought 'em back by the pool for when the EMTs came. I'd brought the cooler out from the car, so I put 'em on ice. One of the doctors said later that if I hadn't done that they might not have been able to reattach.
"Bob's OK now, after the physical therapy they said he got 90% of the function back, so he can walk around and take care of himself and everything.
"Oh, why was he in the pool? Yeah, I asked him about that. He said he thinks he had some crazy idea that the chlorine might be like an antiseptic or something. I dunno.
"Well, anyway. Have you heard the one about the pirate?"
-jwgh
--
"A fool and his money can be incinerated and then separated by
distillation."
- Jim Benton