to jwgh's Scorched Earth Party writings
From: ST102315 at brownvm.brown.edu (Jake)
Newsgroups: alt.politics.scorched-earth
Subject: Re: You might be a liberal if. . .
Date: Sat, 16 Nov 1996 16:14:33 EST
Message-ID: <56lase$2pl@cocoa.brown.edu>
We of the Scorched Earth Party refuse to be left out. Now that there's
a spotter's guide for liberals, we're getting into the act too.
Submitted for your approval:
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE SCORCHED EARTH PARTY IF...
- You think that guns may be cute but lead pipes are forever.
- You love the sin but hate the sinner.
- You favor the mandatory execution of everyone who offends you, but feel
that every man and woman should be forced to carry at least one child
to term every year.
- You think that trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize, and
often find yourself laughing with glee as you wipe the hamburger juice
off of your chin with your paper napkin.
- You are convinced that Frank Capra and Norman Rockwell would have been
a lot cooler if they made better use of flesh wounds.
- You thought Walt Disney was saccharine sweet and terminally cutesy-pie -
until you bludgeoned all of Disney's employees to death and spat on the
old man's grave.
- You feel that the school day should begin with ten minutes of free-for-
all combat and end with 23 5/6 hours of free-for-all combat.
- You agonize over how you can best threaten the natural environment (acid
rain, toxic waste) and are a big fan of threats to the social environment
(pornography, promiscuity, and family dissolution).
- You think that cocaine and handguns are for wimps.
- You think Rush Limbaugh is responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing and
feel very jealous about it.
- To you, Jeff Vogel is the epitome of saneness--even saner than G. Gordan
Liddy.
- You thought Akira was funny and Janet Reno is totally hot.
- You think that the world's money by right belongs to you, and you will
fight to defend it.
- You think deficits are caused by unarmed tax collectors.
- You think that marriage is obsolete, but extra-marital affairs are the
wave of the future.
- Lastly, you're a member of the Scorched Earth Party if you get the point
of this post.
-jwgh
Titles of Norman Rockwell pictures comissioned by the SEP:
- "Johnnie's First Beheading."
- "A Visit to the Embalmer's."
- "Her Last Moment on Earth."
- "A Boy and his Entrails."
to jwgh's Scorched Earth Party writings