to jwgh's Scorched Earth Party writings
From: ST102315 at brownvm.brown.edu (Jake) Newsgroups: alt.politics.scorched-earth Subject: Proposed Position Paper:Right to Die Date: Wed, 19 Apr 1995 23:45:11 EDT Message-ID: <3n4l89$aip@cat.cis.Brown.EDU>
Last night, I realized that I had not seen the Scorched Earth Party's position on the Right to Die. This realization hit me with all the force of a properly-applied lead pipe. The issue is of such obvious importance to everyone living, or at least dying, in the US today that I felt justified in jumping forward and offering the following proposed official positions for the Scorched Earth Party. Make of them what you will.
So where do I think we should stand on the issue of the "Right to Die"? Well, it should be obvious to anyone who has ever watched American sitcoms that for many, death is not just a right, but a duty! And tempting as it is to portion out these deserving deaths ourselves, we should realize that it's good for the morale of the drones if they're allowed to excercise their God-given right to self-immolation from time to time. So I say we should encourage people to excercise their Right to Death as much as possible! In fact, we should make it mandatory that everyone should be put on life support, just so we can turn it off! And while I'm at it, we should have attempted suicide be punishable by the death penalty!
If I have my way, all of the McDonalds in the world will be replaced by Kevorkian Huts by the third year after Jeff Vogel is elected.
-jwgh