There's a section of the catalog named "Successories". Words cannot describe the sheer awfulness of the items in this section. They're all posters (available in different sizes and configurations, but more on this later), richly colored pictures of lions and trees and roses and so on with a title and a caption. All of these things are supposed to inspire you to work harder and better and succeed in business. It was these items (and a few others) that made me wonder if perhaps the catalog was intended for first class folk instead of coach (where I was).
The founder of Successories had this to say about the product: "[. . .] Successories' team has created 1,000's of products--all designed to inspire excellence." He also notes that they're traded publically on the NASDAQ under the symbol SCES.
Let's get started with a minor example of this type of saccharine 'art'. The picture is of a still expanse of water into which a drop of water has just fallen. The water shades from a brilliant blue in the foreground to a soft white in the background. The title of the piece is "ATTITUDE". The caption is "Attitude is a big thing that makes a little difference."
OK, so that's cheesy and basically an upscale version of the "hang in there" posters with the pictures of a cat hanging off of a tree limb. What's so bad about that? It's hard to convey, exactly, but partly it's the upscaleness (these are very high quality posters, and yet the banality of thought is the same as that found in the cheerful little cheap posters that you see in schools everywhere). The other thing is the clear corporate mindset expressed, which I find repellent and which may only become clear as you examine more of these things. Here's another:
The picture is of a green lawn with a tall tree growing in it, with sunlight shining through the tree. The title of the piece is "SUCCESS". "Some people dream of success...while others wake up and work hard at it." Gag me with a spoon, am I right?
There are also posters for "INNOVATION" ("The best way to predict the future...is to create it"), "RULE #1" ("If we don't take care of the customer...someboday else will"), "QUALITY", "CHANGE", "TEAMWORK", and "ACHIEVEMENT". You can just imagine. (Incidentally, I think the overuse of ellipses is another thing that bugs me.) Then there are the ultra deluxe posters that deal with higher concepts, I guess, like "THE ESSENCE OF GOLF".
But perhaps my favorite is "THE ESSENCE OF SURVIVAL". It has a picture of a lion on a field of brown grass or whatever with an orange evening sky overhead. The caption says, "Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed...every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle...when the sun comes up, you'd better be running." (Note again the use of ellipses.)
Suppose that you were attracted by "THE ESSENCE OF SURVIVAL" and wanted to come into possession of it. There are several options open to you. If you were a Goldman & Sachs partner, for instance, you might be tempted by the 22"x28" wood framed and double matted option for $149.95. But that might be a bit upscale for you; perhaps you would like something a bit more reasonable.
In that case, you might like the 18"x24" framed ($69.95) or unframed ($29.95) versions of the product.
But perhaps you're repelled by the idea of having this thing on your wall. Or alternatively, you want a bunch of them to pin up over deserving employees' desks. (Pause a moment and consider your reaction to coming in in the morning and finding a small replication of "THE ESSENCE OF SURVIVAL" pinned up over your desk.) Or perhaps you're a serial killer and want a distinctive way to mark your victims. In that case, the 7"x7" 12 card set is for you--a steal at $19.95.
Finally, for the bottom-of-the-bin, coach-class losers, there's the mouse pad option for $9.95.
I was seriously considering ordering one or two of these posters for work, but I was too repulsed to give it too much serious thought. Also, there was the danger that someone would take the posters seriously and talk to me about how inspirational they were, something which could only lead to the eventual slitting of my wrists.
-jwgh