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Jake's Cookies

"I like recipes that bark out orders like a German Veldsmarschall" -Derrick Williams

GROUP A INGREDIENTS

Notice:

The creation of cookies that do not include the following ingredients is considered treason and is punishable as such. Use of so-called 'alternative' versions of this recipe is explicitly forbidden.

GROUP B INGREDIENTS

Notice:

The creation of cookies that do not include the following ingredients is considered treason and is punishable as such.

INSTRUCTIONS

Before starting to make the cookie batter, make sure that you have all GROUP A and GROUP B ingredients, as well as all necessary equipment. Complete each step below sequentially, making sure to complete each step in full before going on to the next. FAILURE TO FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY CAN RESULT IN COURT MARTIAL.

  1. Preheat the oven to 350 (three hundred fifty) degrees F.
  2. Place butter in one (1) standard 3/4 (three-quarters) quart capacity stainless steel bowl. Add peanut butter, nutella, and water. Allow to set for no less than 60 (sixty) minutes. Do not proceed to the next step until the butter is soft. Butter softness must be tested with a wooden spoon.
  3. Add the white and brown sugar to the butter mixture. Using a wooden spoon, mix thoroughly, not stopping until the ingredients are completely mixed.
  4. After discarding the shells, add the eggs to the mixture. Using the same wooden spoon as before, combine the ingredients until the mixture is fluffy and light.
  5. Add the vanilla to the mixture. Using the same wooden spoon as before, thoroughly combine the ingredients.
  6. In a separate standard 3/4 (three-quarters) quart capacity stainless steel bowl:
    1. Combine all GROUP B INGREDIENTS in order starting with the flour, stirring the existing mixture for not less then 45 (forty-five) seconds with a standard-issue 4 (four)-tined fork before adding the next ingredient. ADDING THE INGREDIENTS IN A DIFFERENT ORDER IS FORBIDDEN WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER.
  7. WITHOUT SPILLING ANY OF THE INGREDIENTS, add the mixture of the GROUP B INGREDIENTS to the bowl containing the GROUP A INGREDIENTS.
  8. Using a wooden spoon, combine the ingredients. Stirring must must be halted as soon as the ingredients are completely mixed.
  9. Using a clean metal spoon, extract small [no more than 2.5 (two and one half) oz.] portions of the mixture and deposit them on cookie sheets. No fewer than 8 (eight) or more than 12 (twelve) portions should go on a single sheet. The portions should be no less than 1/2 (one-half) inch apart from each other.
  10. After a cookie sheet has its capacity of cookies, bake for 8-12 minutes. Cookies should not be considered 'done' until visible signs of moisture have disappeared from them. Conversely they should not be allowed to turn overly brown. Undercooking or overcooking of cookies is not allowed.
  11. After removing the cookie sheets from the oven, deposit them on a heat-safe surface.
  12. Remove the cookies from the cookie sheets using a spatula. Do not damage cookies during removal. Place the cookies on a cooling rack until they have reached a safe temperature [no more than 120 (one hundred twenty) degrees F.].
  13. Those cookies which are not immediately consumed may be frozen for later consumption.
Warning: Consumption of these cookies may result in insomnia and is recommended against unless the consumer is scheduled for duty for at least the following 3 (three) hours.
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