Apologies to Monty Python, as well as any DBAs out there. And to anyone who reads this, really.

This was written when a DBA friend of mine quoted the lumberjack song on a mailing list we were both members of. A slightly modified version appears here.

[. . .]
>I never wanted to do this job in the first place!
>I... I wanted to be...

A DBA!

Leaping from job to job! As I navigate the mighty coffee bars of Silicon Valley! With my palm pilot by my side!

Oracle!
SQL!
Access!
Comma-delimited text!
We'd sing! Sing! Sing!

Oh, I'm a DBA and I'm OK;
I work all night and I sleep all day.

He's a DBA and he's OK;
He works all night and he sleeps all day.

I create forms, I rotate logs,
I never leave my room.
On Wednesdays I go online
And kick lots of ass in Doom.

CHORUS:

He creates forms, he rotates logs,
He never leaves his room.
One Wednesdays he goes online
And kicks lots of ass in Doom.
He's a DBA and he's OK;
He works all night and he sleeps all day.

I drink some Jolt, create tables,
And make them interrelate.
I download lots of porno
And slowly masturbate.

CHORUS:

He drinks some Jolt, creates tables,
And makes them interrelate.
He downloads lots of porno
And slowly...masturbates??
He's a DBA and he's OK
He works all night and he sleeps all day.

I link DBs, I read USENET's
alt.sex.bestiality
I log into chat servers
And say that I am three.

CHORUS:

He links DBs, he reads USENET's
alt.sex.besti...ality?
[spoken]
That's sick! I thought you were a nice guy! [general sounds of disgust]

CHORUS:

He's a DBA and he's OK
He works all night and he sleeps all day
He's a DBA and he's OK....

-jw'I know next to nothing about what DBAs do. Does it show?'gh