Re: Tech Support Poem

See a deconstruction of this mediocre little poem on someone else's web site.

From: jwgh at earthlink.net (Jacob Haller)
Subject: Re: Tech Support Poem
Date: 16 Jan 1999
Message-ID: <1dlp7w4.1emnazy1hen6jcN@1cust25.tnt1.morristown.nj.da.uu.net>
Newsgroups: alt.tech-support.recovery

Jeff Liebermann <jeffl at comix.santa-cruz.ca.us> wrote:

I am tech support, and I know it all.
I anxiously wait, for your latest call.
You've only to play, the game of voice mail,
I'll be with you shortly, I'm working our tail.

[etc]

Not bad, but it doesn't seem quite right. How about:

I am tech support bob, and I know it all.
Or at least I know more than the morons who call.

If I ask what's been changed, then you know what they'll say:
"Not a thing, not one bit, 'cept I changed the display,
bought myself a new hard drive, but it's plug-and-play,

Ran my mouse through the drier, disconnected my phone,
Gave my disks to my dog since I had not a bone.

So the problem's at your end, it's plain as can be,
since nothing's changed here since at least '83!
Please Mr. Tech Person, won't you please help me?"

When I try to help them, then my problems begin.
Make it detailed or simple, I still cannot win.

"Is your monitor on? Is you caps-lock engaged?"
(The depth of the problem I'm trying to gauge.)
"Hey! I am not stupid!" shouts the luser, enraged.

"I'm an MSCE using Endora Pro.
Treat me with respect or else to court we'll go.

I'm a PC expert with Win '97.
My years writing Java, they number eleven."
I think: Shoot me now, please, and send me to heaven.

"Sir or ma'am, please just look and just check what I've asked.
Is the caps lock light lighted, is that such a task?"

"OK fine, I'll check it, what a waste of my time.
Wait--that's it! Thanks a lot! What a genius! You're great!
Now it's fixed and off my back you've taken a weight!"
It's the people like this who should not procreate.

-jwgh

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