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Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
rec.arts.tv
Subject: Re: Is "Joe Millionaire" a Gay Escort?
From: "Jacob W. Haller" <spog at jwgh.org>
Date: Mon, 13 Jan 2003 09:49:15 -0500
troika boika <ilm6dac at hotmail.com> wrote:
goya_kod at yahoo.com (Goya Kod) wrote in message news:<3e21c8a4.1604770@news.gamewood.net>...Dude, I went to high school with Evan Marriott and he was the biggest dufus. Yes, I was an even bigger dufus, but he was no, like, ladies man or anything. At least not that I remember. It's just too wild that all this has happened. Who'd a thunk it.Please share more stories!
See, I don't think what goya_kod wrote above really qualifies as a 'story' per se. I mean, is there conflict? Is there resolution? Are there bunnies and ants? No!
Here is a story about Evan Marriott:
One morning, when Evan Marriott got up, he saw that his pet rabbit had escaped from its cage. "Oh no!" said Evan Marriott, "My bunny is gone! Whatever shall I do?"
"Simple!" said Alfred Einstein, inventor of the light bulb, who just happened to have been passing through Evan Marriott's window as he started his lament. "We must go back to a time when your bunny was not yet lost! Then you can follow your rabbit and see where it goes, and then when you come back to the present you will know exactly where it is!" And with that he pulled out a small but serviceable time machine he had invented that morning while waiting for his waffles to finish cooking.
Evan Marriott was still crying inconsolably because of the loss of his rabbit, but Einstein could tell that Evan thought this time-travel idea was the only possible solution to his problems! So he strapped Evan in, set the control to 'the last time Evan's rabbit wasn't lost', and turned the ignition.
But there was some marmalade in the cast-iron diodes that Einstein had used for the control part of the time machine, so they were sent a million years into the future instead. There, they were met by giant elves that looked and spoke like Fonzie. After spending some time among the Fonzies, they discovered that the Fonzies' idyllic existence was marred by the fact that occasionally one of the would be kicked to death by a giant rabbit, as Evan's bunny had been bred by scientists to work in the giant pork rind minds of the Rock Candy Mountains. Over a million years of evolution, humans and bunnies had become more specialized, until, finally, this!
Horrified by the revelation, Einstein and Evan Marriott fled backwards in time to the 50s, almost running over the crew of the Enterprise and Michael J. Fox on the way. Einstein then released a virus which killed all rabbits in the world. "Ah, it is good to for once use my intellectual powers for good!" said Einstein, kicking a cute widdle dying bunny out of the way. Evan cheered!
They then returned to the present, which now was completely bunniless, but Evan discovered that he now owned an ant colony, which was a hundred times better than a bunny because there were that many more ants and plus they could never run away. Also, everyone had started spelling things phonetically and the American government had turned into a dictatorship. It was the best Christmas ever!
-jwgh
--
"I still wish I looked like Shania Twain. And sang like somebody else."
- Paula <mmmtoblerone at earthlink.ent> in alt.religion.kibology
9 Dec 2002 <1fmw7bm.1uzgtrw1dvbxm4N%mmmtoblerone@earthlink.ent>