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Message-ID: <1fn00xb.1ah9957gqaw8wN%spog@jwgh.org> Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Christmas Is Ruined! From: "Jacob W. Haller" <spog at jwgh.org> Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 23:48:13 -0500
Jeremy Impson <jdimpson at acm.org> wrote:
On Tue, 10 Dec 2002, Kevin S. Wilson wrote:On Tue, 10 Dec 2002 19:04:38 GMT, x@x.x (Culturally Sensitive Ed) wrote:Kevin was selling his vital bodily fluids to the communists for profit back when he was a damn hippy. Later on the FBI approached him with proof of his disloyal past, and promised him reprieve if he married J Edgar Hoover's daughter, who had been the recipient of the donations.Ooh! BURN on you, Stacia! Man, teen parents have rapier-like wit.Teen parents? So that's two of you who haven't been paying attention.Imagine my dismay.
No no no. Here's what happened:
DATELINE: Thanksgiving day, 1975. In the first of what would become an emergency room trend, a Midwestern tech writer, identified by the media only as 'KSW', is admitted to a hospital after getting burns over 99.44% of his body during a misguided attempt to deep-fry an entire turkey.
DATELINE: December 1, 1975. KSW is suffocated in his hospital bed by a fellow patient after intentionally using 'infer' when the proper word would be 'imply'. All attempts at resuscitation fail. Suddenly, the hospital hits an iceberg and sinks deep into the Atlantic! All aboard are believe to be lost.
DATELINE: July 8, 1983. A member of an expedition to the Antarctic claims to have seen KSW, described as wearing a tuxedo, out of the corner of her eye. KSW's wife, when contacted with this information, states that he was never known for his sartorial excellence and suggests that the expedition member may have actually seen a crow.
DATELINE: May 1, 1991. As the massive glaciars that have enveloped all of North America for months start to recede, a block of ice that appears to contain an entire human being, along with an original Volkswagon Bug and a pogo stick, is discovered somewhere in Ohio or Iowa or one of those places. It is used as a prop in the stage show of a heavy metal band lead by one L. Sgouros.
DATELINE: February 30, 1994. KSW is implicated in a jewelry robbery, but after lots of cute hijinks with demographically desirable youths is freed! Then he wakes up and discovers it was ALL A DREAM!
DATELINE: August 6, 2010. A radio broadcast is received on all frequencies that says, 'ALL OUR BASE ARE BELONG TO YOU EXCEPT FOR THE ONE CALLED KSW".
DATELINE: January 1, 2011. The sun goes nova, and all the cute robots are DESTROYED! O the embarassment!
Any questions?
-jwgh
--
"I still wish I looked like Shania Twain. And sang like somebody else."
- Paula <mmmtoblerone at earthlink.ent> in alt.religion.kibology
9 Dec 2002 <1fmw7bm.1uzgtrw1dvbxm4N%mmmtoblerone@earthlink.ent>