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Message-ID: <1ev1vt9.63281jz39x4eN%jwgh@earthlink.net>
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Subject: Re: [PROPOSAL] new group "alt.sci.hammond-proof-of-god"]
From: "Jacob W. Haller" <jwgh at earthlink.net>
Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2001 15:56:59 -0400

George Hammond <ghammond at mediaone.net> wrote:

[. . .]

The rationale for the name is as follows: 
 
.alt   ..because I may not be able to solicit the necessary
         support (votes) for a non-alt newsgroup.
 
.sci   ..because I am a physicist and this is a scientific
         subject involving Psychometry, Relativity and Biology.
 
.god   ..because the scientific subject in this case is God.
 
.hammond-proof    .. because the NG is specifically for the
                     purpose of discussing Hammond's newly
                     discovered scientific theory.

[FADE IN on GOD hovering in the middle of a field of clouds. ANGELS with HARPS play soft muzak in the background.]

GOD: I am the lord thy GOD.1

[The ANGELS start to look upwards at an off-screen object.]

GOD: Thou shalt not have strange gods before me.

[The ANGELS look worried now. They start to point at the still-unseen object and back away.]

GOD: Thou shat not take the name of the LORD they GOD in vai--

[SPLAT! A giant CUBE2 falls from the sky and squashes GOD flat. Sudden cut to screen full of shiny, colorful shapes.]

Announcer: Is your god [Hammond]-proof3? Try our scientific alternative!

['Kibology' logo appears.]

Announcer: Kibology! Scientifically rated 90% more resistant to the rants of cube-minded savants!

[WACKY BOING. FADE TO BLACK.]

-jw'everybody does this better than I do4'gh 

-- 
"Icons are an efficient way to communicate a lot of information.  Icons
will soon allow our written language to merge with the idiograms of
China and Japan."
               -Carlton Egremont III, /Mr. Bunny's Guide to ActiveX/

Annotations

  1. God's lines are taken from an English translation of the bible I found online somewhere. Specifically God is delivering the Ten Commandments here, though he doesn't get through them all.

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  2. George Hammond is a net.kook who believes various things, among them that the most common shape in the universe is a cube and that his own brain is cube-shaped. For this reason on alt.religion.kibology he is identified with a cube (and is occasionally called Cubey).

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  3. Hammond is proposing the creation of a newsgroup called alt.sci.god.hammond-proof here. The idea is that the newsgroup would be for discussion of his scientific proof of God. To me, the name suggested that it was for the scientific discussion of Hammond-proof gods. Note that the phrase that follows uses the words scientific alternative, which was supposed to play off the alt.sci that began Hammond's proposed newsgroup name.

    Writing Hammond's name in brackets comes from his habit of, when responding to someone, distinguishing his own remarks from those he is responding to by prefacing them with [Hammond]. In general he seems to be fond of brackets; see the subject of this message for another example of this.

    Ultimately he decided on a different name for his newsgroup and claimed that it had been created, though I don't see it in my current newsfeed.

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  4. Often on ark someone will write a joke or skit or extemporization that they feel another [specific] kibologist could have better executed and will say at the end of the message that that person does this better than I do. Here I am basically saying that I suck at writing these kinds of short skits. Exactly what saying this was supposed to accomplish escapes me at the moment.

    The first reference I can see to someone doing something better than you is from December of 1997. This eventually led to Chris Emery sarcastically predicting in July of 1999 that Dave Delaney would explain that Theo Mora does this better than I do. 2 July 1999

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