to jwgh's alt.religion.kibology page
Message-ID: <1fvwk5e.1r6sgj5tpyzm2N%spog@jwgh.org> Subject: Re: I am a failure as a mother From: "Jacob W. Haller" <spog at jwgh.org> Date: Mon, 2 Jun 2003 01:42:31 -0400
Paula <mmmtoblerone at earthlink.ent> wrote:
Have no running water in the house (which means not only no baths and no cleaning dishes, hands, etc. but no toilets, which need water to flush) because you spent your money on drugs that month.
Carry out sekret scientific experiments in the basement and warn the children that they must never on any account go down there and then forget to leave the door locked and then they go down there and there's a monkey of pure light down there and it flings filth of pure light at them and then you come home and you find that they are downstairs and you yell at them and blame them for everything and you laugh evilly and also the runoff from your experiments contaminates the local groundwater and everyone turns into zombies but you blame that nice Mr. Wilson who lives next door and he ends up doing a dime at the federal pen where he starts doing the corrupt warden's income taxes until one of his fellow inmates gets shot dead and he was the only friend your kids had despite his gruff manner and you always show up late to parent-teacher conferences and while you're there you experience horrible flatulence which isn't your fault admittedly but the kids find it incredibly embarrassing all the same and maybe even feel a little worse knowing that they are for once thinking bad things about you for something you can't control and they write award-winning essays and you show up at the awards ceremony drunk causing them to turn to a life of crime and they go to work in a hamburger joint and you always tell them how easy they have it and you make them live in a box while you perform psychological experiments on them and the experiments are not controlled and get turned down by all the journals so it's all for nothing and then your disintegrator ray blows up accidentally while you're cleaning it and the entire Universe gets destroyed so Kurt Vonnegut has the last laugh after all for all the good that does your kids, you know?
Now THAT's a bad mother.
-jwgh
--
"When then meatbot revolution comes, you will be the first against the
grill of the House of the Future's indoor barbecue."
--Brian 'Jarai' Chase on alt.religion.kibology 3 September 2002