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Message-ID: <1fabee5.gxsg68za4qv4N%spog@jwgh.org> Subject: Re: Madre de Pollo! Worst in a series of confections I have eaten. From: "Jacob W. Haller" <spog at jwgh.org> Date: Mon, 8 Apr 2002 09:53:03 -0400Kev In, Boyz Out <kboyce at toad.net> wrote:
I have vague memories of an "exhibit", which must have been art because it was in Boston's MFA (which stands for "Read The Fine Art"), called "Hammer a Nail In", which consisted of a big ol' wooden cross, a bunch of nails, and a hammer. You got to "participate" in the "art" by nailing in a nail or two.The best part is in an interview she talked about having spent "several months" on this particular work. DOING WHAT EXACTLY??? It's just an idea, and a stupid one at that. It doesn't take any time to implement! What were you doing for SEVERAL MONTHS???
Day 1. Got a keen idea for a new project today! I'll make a giant cross and encourage members of the public to nail each other to it! Talk about interactive!
Day 2. Ran idea past agent. He was enthusiastic about it, but seemed concerned about liability.
Day 5. New brainstorm: Nails to be soaked in jar of alchohol labeled "FIRE WATER" before use, thereby symbolizing man's cruelty of man and prevening tetanus infections. Will talk to agent on Monday and suggest this.
Day 7. Talked to agent. Still no go. In a funk.
Day 10. Agent called, suggested having people just pound nails into cross rather than impaling people. Said I didn't see the point but would consider it.
Day 30. Completely blocked. Guess agent's stupid idea is worth a shot.
Day 31. Went to lumber yard today and asked them what kind of wood they would recommend to crucify someone. Was oppressed by their laughter.1 I will take my business elsewhere!
Day 40. Ran out of places that sold lumber today. Now what?
Day 45. Went back to first lumber place. Asked for two-by-fours for art installation. Asked me how long I wanted it. Said until after art exhibit.2 Their laughter burns me still. Left feeling humiliated.
Day 50. Figured out what they were talking about. Considering design of crucifix. How tall are people, anyway?
Day 52. Went back to lumber yard and ordered wood, giving precise measurements. Showed them! Unfortunately large pieces of lumber unsuited for transportation by bicycle. Will borrow friend's car tomorrow and return.
Day 55. Honestly, won't anyone loan me their car? Most of the accidents I've been in recently haven't really been my fault!
Day 56. FINALLY got car and retrieved wood.
Day 57. Glue appears to be unsuitable for attaching pieces of wood to each other. Went to hardware store to buy nails.
Day 58. Went back to hardware store to buy longer nails.
Day 65. Cross came apart again. Returned to hardware store to buy screws.
Day 66. Needed longer screws. Getting tired of this.
Day 70. Finally got around to assembling the stupid thing. Looks OK. Finished at last!
Day 80. Dammit, just remembered that art patrons are supposed to be able to hammer nails into this thing. Will try to remember to pick up some nails and a spare hammer later this week.
Day 87. Finally remembered to get nails and hammer.
Day 90. Got splinter transporting cross to exhibit. Feeling unusually Christ-like.
-jwgh
--
"If you can't recognize a colon, a hyphen, and an end-paren, you
probably shouldn't be staring at my left breast!"
- Lee Silverman
In the end, I just want to say that you, my classmates, ruined my week with your laughter, screwed up my life, destroyed the dreams of my aunts and uncles as you placed them in American concentration camps, you my classmates, yes, you killed four million Jews, you dropped the atomic bomb, and you enslaved millions. Through your laughter.
Two aggies walked into a lumber yard, walked up to the counter, and said they wanted some 4x2s. "Do you mean 2x4s?" asked the man behind the counter. "No, 4x2s. We measured twice!" responded the aggies. "Well, all right, but how long do you want them?" said the counterman. "Oh, for a pretty long time. We're building a shed!" said the aggies.